To mark Carers Week in June, John reflects on caring for his wife and how Crossroads Care became an important source of support when they moved to a new community.
‘I am a full-time carer for my wife, Monica. We’ve been married for 44 years, and for most of that time she’s lived with multiple sclerosis. Four years ago, after a fall, she lost the ability to stand unaided. I retired early from my job as a builder to care for her. I thought I understood hard work, but caring is something else entirely — physically demanding, constant, and exhausting, yet it’s also deeply rewarding in ways that are hard to put into words.
‘For two years after Monica’s fall, we managed on our own. Then our daughter and son-in-law encouraged us to move closer to them. Leaving our home of 40 years in Orpington wasn’t easy, but they built a beautiful, accessible annex for us. It took determination to get planning permission, but they never gave up, and now we have a safe and comfortable place to live.
‘When we arrived in Twickenham, we didn’t know anyone. It felt isolating at first, but that all changed when we were introduced to Crossroads Care.
‘We started attending the charity’s Carers Café and suddenly, we weren’t alone anymore. Being around people who truly understand what caring means made a world of difference.
‘We’ve taken part in music therapy sessions there — singing and playing instruments (badly, in my case!). And I attend the Men Who Care group whenever I can. One session that really stayed with me was art therapy. I lost myself in it completely and didn’t even notice that two hours had gone by. That sense of calm is something I hadn’t realised I needed so much.
‘Last year, I ran the Turks Head 10K to raise money for Crossroads Care. It was my way of giving back to a charity that’s given us so much. Seeing my family at the finish line made it a day I’ll never forget.
‘If I could offer one piece of advice to other carers, it’s this: take one day at a time. Try not to look back at what you’ve lost or long for the old days; don’t fear the future. Live in this present moment which is a gift to be enjoyed. Being a carer can be a lonely place, but thanks to organisations like Crossroads Care, it doesn’t have to be.’
